you can't wake up (this is not a dream)
by jaylene
Summary: Sakura loves him, but she'll do what is right for Konoha even if it means her own unhappiness. It just doesn't seem that Hashirama is willing to let her go.
1. Chapter 1

_Original ask_ : Hey, would it be possible for you to do a drabble of HashiSaku with 32. "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."

pls dattebayo

* * *

"Hashirama, _no_ ," Sakura says, backing away from the desk. She balls her fists, muscles tight as she turns to face him. "Why would you even say that?"

"Sakura," he says, hand reaching out in supplication.

"We can't do this," she says, wheeling away from his display of affection. "We _won_ _'t_ do this. You are engaged to be married."

"A political arrangement."

Sakura pauses, hand on the door. Her gaze hazes red for a moment. She strides toward the desk, slapping her hands on the table as she leans up into his face. "Do not speak so…so dismissively of your fiancee!" She is nearly shouting, caught up in memories of cold eyes and snide remarks. "She is going to be your wife and the mother of your children." Sakura ignores the way her throat burns with bile at that. "And I refuse to play the second fiddle, not even for you."

His hand is unbearably warm as he touches her wrist. "You will never be second for me," he says. "I love _you_. There is no room in my heart for anyone else."

Sakura swallows hard, swaying closer to him. Their breaths mingle for a moment and, for a split second that seems an eternity, everything is perfect.

Sakura stops herself, hands shaking as she backs away once more. "I'm sorry, Hashirama."

"Sakura."

Never before has her name been used as a weapon against her like this.

"I'll-I'll see you in a few months."

"Sakura!"

But his entreaty falls to empty air.

She is gone.

* * *

 _Original tags:_ x-hanayori; prompt; drabble; answer; my fic; hashisaku; Hashirama Senju; Sakura Haruno; hashirama doesn't take rejection well; this certainly isn't over; =); submission; you can't wake up (this is not a dream)


	2. Chapter 2

_Original ask_ : a continuation to the angsty hashisaku with 33. "Please don't do this." pls :D

* * *

"Hashirama!"

Hashirama looks up from his desk, hiding a smile behind his folded hands as Sakura storms into his office. "Ah, Sakura, I thought you'd be away for a few more months. What happened to your visit to Kumo?"

Sakura slams a missive on his desk. " _That_ is why I am here."

Hashirama glances down, frowning slightly as he catches his brother's familiar scrawl. "So Tobirama told you."

"Hashirama, why are you doing this?" Her voice breaks, but her posture is solid, fists clenched.

"You know why," he replies, standing and reaching out to cup her cheek. His hand stills when she takes a step back. His expression falls, heralding the oncoming storm. "You _still_ deny me?"

Sakura shakes her head, incredulous. "You turned down Uzushio's suit, Hashirama. You were already past the negotiation stage. You _reneged_ on your engagement. You've slighted Uzushio, the Uzumaki, _Mito_. Their only recourse is war."

Hashirama waits until she meets his eyes. "So?" he responds, taking pleasure in the shock writ clear upon her face. "What care have I for war? Uzushio is a small nation, prosperous certainly, but nothing in the face of Konoha's might. If they attack, and they shall, they will fall. We will have Uzushio's lands regardless, by the blood born of marriage or the blood shed in war. It shall be war." Hashirama flicks his wrist and the boards beneath Sakura's feet move, shifting her closer. This time when he tries to cup her face, she allows it. "And you shall still be mine."

For a brief moment, Sakura's eyes slide shut and she presses her cheek into his hand, memorizing the way his calluses catch across her skin. Too soon, her eyes open once more to the reality before her, the nightmare she has a hand in creating.

"Please don't do this," she whispers, hand coming up to cover his.

Hashirama smiles and it is a beautiful, terrible thing. He strums his thumb across her cheek, brushing her stray hairs away from her face. "It is already done. It is the only way I can have you." The wood creaks and Sakura finds herself caught in the embrace of his arms. The arms that sheltered her and made her safe. Never before have they felt like a cage, until now. "We can be together."

Sakura shoves away from him, shaking her head. "No, we cannot. Hashirama, we cannot be together."

"But I'm no longer marrying Mito," he protests, reaching for her again.

Sakura evades him. "Our fates were sealed the moment you agreed to the marriage, regardless of whether you go through with it or not. We _cannot_ be together. I will not have the blood of countless innocents shed for my happiness." Her eyes burn with the fire he first fell in love with. "I will not allow you to start a war in my name."

"It is too late," Hashirama replies, fierce in his anger, in the clawing desperation at his chest. Why can't she understand? If only she'd see the reason in his actions, they could have happiness. _Together_. "Uzushio has heard my rejection; the banners of war are flying. There is nothing you can do."

Sakura stares at him for a long moment and Hashirama's breath catches at the overflowing emotions he sees simmering there. "There is _always_ a way," she replies, before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Hashirama watches the wisps of smoke until they dissipate, jaw tight and heart heavy. He knows, somewhere deep within, that nothing will ever be the same. Yet he refuses to be idle.

Hashirama whistles, not turning as his Anbu appear at his back. His eyes burn with tears but he cannot shed them. Not here.

"Your orders?" one of them asks.

"Bring her back," Hashirama replies, voice rough.

One way or another, Hashirama is getting his way.

* * *

 _Original tags_ : x-hanayori; my fic; prompt; answer; drabble; hashisaku; sakura haruno; hashirama senju; dark!hashirama; the hashirama is beyond extra saga; or also; when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object; both of them have a plan; sakura's is honestly better; to the surprise of no one; you can't wake up (this is not a dream)


	3. Chapter 3

_Original ask:_ I just finished reading your Dark!Hashirama/Sakura multi-fic and I LOVE IT! Will you write more for us? Pleaseee! Now I'm sounding like a pushy baby LOL, sorry for that. Either way, your tumblr is great, mayor kudos!

* * *

"You don't have to do this, Sakura."

Sakura turns from her bag, meeting Tobirama's gaze with a wan smile that breaks his heart. "We are looking past the time of simple words and promises." Her smile falls. "He made sure of that."

"This isn't your fault," Tobirama says, placing a gentle hand to her elbow. "This isn't your responsibility. You've sacrificed so much for this village, for him-" The bitterness chokes out the rest of his statement.

Sakura shifts her arm, bringing it around so her palm rests against his. She squeezes as she replies, "Allow me this one last thing. I won't allow Konoha to fall into ruin for my sake." She closes her eyes and Tobirama tastes ash as he catches the sheen at the corners of her eyes. "Not even for him."

"Sakura…"

"Uzushio has asked for a marriage. A marriage they shall receive." Her smile is deprecating. "I may not carry the Senju legacy, but I am enough, at least for this." She pulls Tobirama close, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Goodbye Tobirama."

And really, what can he do?

He escorts her to the gates, clasping arms with her one last time. There is so much he wishes to say, words that have hung unspoken between them for years yet they turn to dust as Sakura looks up at him, mournful as she entreats, "Please…look after him. I can't anymore."

And so Tobirama remains silent, watching as her form disappears on the horizon.

He knows, from the dread that pools in his gut, that this is far from over.

* * *

 _Original tags:_ hashisaku; Sakura Haruno; tobirama senjul; tho hashirama isn't currently present; dark!hashirama; my fic; prompt; drabble; fairfortune; poor sakura; poor tobirama; there's definitely some unrequited pining going on; all aboard the pain train!; you can't wake up (this is not a dream)


	4. Chapter 4

_Original ask_ : Is Tobirama in love with Sakura? OMG, this fic (you should give the story a name) keeps getting better and better! Please, keep writing it :) *Thank you*

* * *

"Not one for parties?"

Sakura glances up from her seated position, grinning. "That's the question I should be asking you."

She pats the ground beside her, smiling as Tobirama sits down with a preternatural grace.

Tobirama surveys the area, staring down upon the revelries taking place beneath them. Sakura has found a plateaued section of the mountain range that makes a natural border to the village. It is beautiful up here, the night sky emblazoned clear above everything they have struggled for years to protect.

"Did you ever think we'd make it this far?" Sakura asks, voice barely discernable with the loud music bellowing below.

"It was a fool's dream," Tobirama says before sighing. "Since that fool is my brother, I suppose it isn't truly all that surprising."

Sakura hums. "The dream is far from being fully realized. We'll still need to fight for this."

Tobirama glances askance at her, taking in the lights from the fireworks and bonfires as they splay across her face. "That's a pessimistic take on it."

"Realistic I'd say. I'm not the one with grand, idealistic goals. That's Hashirama." And yet her soft smile belies the words. Tobirama feels something squeeze within his chest. _Oh_. "I'm just the enforcer."

"Between you and me, we'll hopefully keep Hashirama grounded," Tobirama says.

Sakura snorts, turning to him and offering him her spiced cider. "Partners then."

Tobirama's heart swoops, kicking up into a faster rate. He grabs the beverage, taking a swig. "Partners."

* * *

 _Original tags:_ tobisaku; does this answer your question nonnie?; tobirama senju; sakura haruno; the hashirama is beyond extra saga; you can't wake up (this is not a dream); my fic; prompt; anon; drabble; all aboard the pain train!; unrequited pining!tobirama is suffering; sakura is sitting above what will one day be the hokage monuments


	5. Chapter 5

_Original ask:_ Hello wonderful author, I just wanted to ask you about your darkish HashiSaku AU, because I love that ficklet and I miss it :( Either way, thank you for sharing your awesome stories with us and for putting so much love in everything you do ;) XOXO

* * *

"Are you well, Sakura-san?"

Sakura turns away from the wide window, smoothing her expression into a smile as she meets bright blue eyes. "I am well, Takara," she replies, tucking her hand into the crook of his offered elbow. "And please, call me Sakura."

He glances at her from the corner of his eyes and his free arm begins to make a gesture toward his head before it is aborted and his gaze is cast away. There are moments, like this, where if she squints her eyes Sakura can pretend that she is walking beside Naruto as he stifles his nervous head scratching tic.

If not for the red hair, she could even believe it to be true.

"I do not wish to be forward," he says, smile small and bashful.

"We are to wed, Takara," Sakura replies, cocking an amused brow his way. "What shall we be if not forward?"

Takara looks at her, wide-eyed before chuckling. "I admire your candor, Sakura." Sakura valiantly attempts to ignore the emphasis and emotion behind it. "Are you ready for the meeting?"

"The entire council will be there?"

Takara squeezes her hand. "Trial by fire," he says before screwing up his face. "Well, trial by elders, which may just be worse. I'll be with you the whole time."

Sakura nods, tucking herself closer to him as they continue down the hall, all the while ignoring the ever welling pit of shame and pain within her heart.

It's fine.

She's fine.

She's…fine.

* * *

 _Original tags:_ takasaku; takara uzumaki; sakura haruno; (implied) hashisaku; anon; my fic; drabble; prompt; you can't wake up (this is not a dream); get ready for pain; sakura is self-sacrificing in the extreme for konoha


	6. Chapter 6

_Original ask_ : Just stopping to say I love your writing! I hope one day you'll do mor continuations is the dark Hashisaku short fics you did a long while back. Even if you don't returning to read them once in a while is a treat. I hope you are doing well at your new classes. (Sorry for my english)

* * *

Sakura seats herself atop the burbling waters within one of Takara's numerous gardens. It is difficult to manage, requiring absolute precision with chakra as the waters are disrupted and thrown about by the small waterfall that feeds into the garden. However, Sakura does it with ease, enjoying the white noise provided by the roar of the falling water.

Sakura closes her eyes, releasing her thoughts and worries as she begins to meditate. Her chakra filters away from her in a fine sheet, coating the nature around her. In this way she senses the moving waters, the rocks warmed by the sun, the lively flowers, and the strong, thriving trees.

The trees…

She was running, racing through the young forests of Fires, unable to calm herself. This world was younger than the one she was born into and her mind could not comprehend it, could not reconcile this alien familiarity. This world was but a skeleton of the one she knew and she did everything she could to outrun that truth.

She ran with no destination in mind, but her heart proved to be treacherous compass, leading her to her home.

 _Konoha_.

Only, there was nothing there. No gates, no buildings, no people. Just the river that would one day be the life blood of a village that had yet to be built.

Sakura fell to her knees at the river's side, heart breaking as she was forced to face the reality of her situation.

Her home was _gone_.

She stared down into her reflection, surprised to find that she shed no tears. It certainly felt as if she did, her heart and mind as one aching for the loss of a place and people yet to be born, yet no tear tracks marred her face.

Sakura had nothing left to give.

So, she fell away from herself, releasing her Yin Seal. She reached into the nature around her, desperately seeking something to fill the void, something familiar that could anchor her.

And the world around her reached back.

As did someone else.

"What manner of creature are you?"

Sakura's eyes opened slowly. The riverbank around her was transformed, filled with colossal trees in bloom out of season. Her body was encased in loamy riverfront mud up to her waist, but she was unbothered. With but a thought, she stood, the mud sliding away from her almost at her bidding. She did not contemplate this, turning her attention to her interloper.

Only to find the breath knocked free from her lungs.

He was young, younger than the carvings depicted, but Sakura recognized the shape of his eyes as a mirror of her teacher's.

Hashirama.

Sakura's eyes went misty as she finally found something familiar in the midst of chaos. "My name is Haruno Sakura," she said. "It is a pleasure to meet you."

He watched her with awe, taking in the lines that marked her skin and the songs the trees sang in her praise. He didn't know why she was in this place, the place he and Madara made their promise of a lifetime. He didn't know how she'd grown these trees as he was almost certain she did not possess the Mokuton. She was otherworldly. She was a puzzle. And Hashirama was going to enjoy figuring her out. "The pleasure is all mine. I am Senju Hashirama. I have some questions for you."

Sakura's concentration breaks, plunging her into the waters below. She is grateful for it, for the way it masks the sting of tears that flow freely. She lifts herself out of the pool of water and heads to her chambers to dress anew, suppressing any and all of her memories as best she can.

Sakura does not dare meditate again, for fear of what other memories will be unearthed.

* * *

 _Original tags_ : hashisaku; sakura haruno; hashirama senju; you can't wake up (this is not a dream); i feel a bit bad for making sakura so miserable; this story does not have a happy ending; this is the angst!au; my fic; drabble; prompt; ask; anon


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